Where are you needing help and support?
Friends, I have two things to share with you this week. First, I created a 3 minute survey and welcome your feedback. I’d like to know if you’d be interested in a group class in May on compassionate habit change.
The class would be a revamping of my most popular course, The 30 Day Lift, and would include weekly Q&A coaching calls and a Facebook group for support.
While The 30 Day Lift was originally written to help you soften a sugar habit, people have used it for everything from creating better sleep habits to starting an exercise program to changing relationship patterns.
The May class would be an invitation to anyone who’s wanting to compassionately change a painful habit – whether with sugar or other self care – and who’s wanting the support of a group to do so.
You can take the survey below or leave a comment on this post – either way, I’ll hear more about what you’re needing and get a better sense if this is something that has ‘legs.’ Thank you for your time – your feedback is very helpful!
Why compassion helps us grow and change
I also wanted to share a few thoughts on habit change so you can get a better sense if my perspective is a good fit for you and your needs.
Habit change is a powerful topic, and one that speaks to so many!
For we can all feel stuck in patterns that we know are not in our best interest – sometimes even thwarting us from the very things we’re wanting or longing for! – and yet find it very, very difficult to change.
There are good reasons for this.
When we look underneath our messiest and most frustrating habits – whether it’s staying up too late, eating too much sugar, overworking, or people pleasing – we find something important, and something asking for compassion and care.
When we overdo something, it’s often because we’re undernourished somewhere else.
There’s some level of an unmet need that’s reverberating under the song of our days – whether it’s a need for rest, connection, contact and closeness, play, to be messy and make mistakes, to not have to ‘get it right’ all the time, or the need to feel loved, just as we are.
When these unmet needs become chronic, we can become lonely, disconnected, frustrated, alarmed, sad, jealous of others’ happiness, and more.
We can also find ourselves ‘filling the gap,’ the hole of the unmet need, with excess: an excess of food, an excess of social media, an excess of shopping, an excess of bending ourselves this way and that so that we can feel loved by others.
Then on top of the original pain of the unmet need we feel this additional pain of self blame, criticism, and shame: the pain of criticizing ourselves for ‘making bad choices’ and getting stuck in the first place.
Ouch! So painful.
From my point of view, that’s why we need to approach our painful, addictive, and compulsive habits with reverence, tenderness, and a warm embrace.
For there’s already more than enough harshness in the world, and more than enough harshness towards ourselves – and more harshness is not what’s needed.
Harshness – criticism, judgment, self attack and self blame – doesn’t help us face what doesn’t work and soften our compulsions.
It doesn’t help us open to the unmet needs that drive our compulsive habits.
And it doesn’t help us connect to the vulnerability – and the profound strength – that lives underneath, and that helps us rise up, seed new life, and grow.
In my experience, what feeds that journey are a few things: safety, support, connection, courage – and love. Those are the things I yearn to cultivate with you, together – both in our individual hearts, and collectively, in our culture.
To the warmth that feeds us, and that helps us grow,