If you are wanting to eat less sugar, and you’re curious about what to eat for snacks, start here. In this post, I offer concrete ideas of satisfying sugar free snacks, especially for children, teens and families – which describes my household, too. I also offer a perspective on reframing how you define a “snack” that many have found helpful.
In this post I also offer a surprising way to help your children both develop a healthy relationship with food and transition into eating healthier snacks and foods, especially if they’re used to eating an excess of processed, packaged goodies like goldfish crackers, granola bars or cookies between meals.
I included this material because I get a lot of emails from parents who’ve struggled with food, and they feel alarmed about passing on their food compulsions to their children. They wonder – how do I help my child so they don’t have to suffer as I did?
If this describes you, I have so much compassion for you!
When we feel alarmed, we tend to tighten down – we may try to control a child’s food environment or food intake to ensure a “correct outcome” – what we hope is a healthy relationship with food. But this approach often backfires.
The way to give our children a healthy relationship with food isn’t what you hear from the media (educate kids on nutrition, or build skills) It’s intuitive, and lies in our hearts. Like the bears in the photo, it’s about relationship: when we have our children’s hearts and we lead them, they follow.
Children develop a healthy relationship with food from the culture in which they’re raised – and this culture includes their family, their extended family, their community, their village and more. So my focus is on nurturing the culture and relationship – what’s called attachment – with a child. Those are, surprisingly, the answers to helping a child with food.
Read on to learn more.
What is a snack?
In many Western cultures, we equate snacks with “treats” or dessert – muffins, cookies, biscuits, ice cream, chips, crackers, and all sorts of tasty things that come in boxes and packages. So when you’re cutting down on sugar, and eating more unprocessed, whole foods, you may feel stumped about what snacking can look like.
It may help to separate the notion of “treats” and “snacks.” I think of snacks as a mini meal – an opportunity to nourish the body when it’s hungry. A treat is just that – a treat. Often not nutritious, but something that gives us pleasure and that we can absolutely enjoy.
I eat both snacks and treats, as I imagine you do, too.
Most of my snacks are snacks – mini meals – not treats. (I share more below.)
And I eat treats, but they are treats. (This is different than how I ate when I first stopped eating sugar. Then I gave myself no treats, which I found to be too obsessive and unnecessary.) My treats include a wide variety of foods – dark chocolate, ice cream, baked granny smith apples (which are very sweet for me), dried figs, birthday desserts (our family’s favorite is a fruit crisp), black licorice, or my husband’s homemade popcorn – popped in coconut oil and drizzled with butter. (Here’s an example of my favorite treat – my no sugar, no flour birthday cake – a recipe my husband created and makes for me.)
If you measured it, I probably follow an 80/20 rule, where 80% of my food choices are nourishing, and 20% are for fun! (If your relationship with sugar feels like 20/80 – where you eat sugar 80% of the time and “healthy food” 20% of the time – you may enjoy this article on how to say no to sugar without white knuckling it.)
But this is what feels balanced for me and my body. I offer my life as an example, not a prescription, and invite you to sit with your heart to find the balance of treating that your body needs.
When do you need a snack?
You may find that as you eat less sugar and fewer processed foods that your blood sugar stabilizes and that you feel more satisfied by your meals. You may not need to snack as often. I have low blood sugar, so I eat every 4 hours or so. I also find that eating a meal with balanced ratios of fat, protein and complex carbs satisfies me for several hours and leads to less hunger between meals.
And yet, the afternoon is often a time when my body needs a snack, especially as we tend to eat dinner later due to family activities. I’m often out during the afternoon with children’s activities, and so I typically take a snack with me.
If I’m going to be gone for more than a quick trip, I’ll pack an insulated lunch box with a variety of foods: almonds; cooked sliced chicken breast, some cooked cold green beans, and baby carrots with hummus. I also take a big bottle of water.
This is where advance preparation can make a huge impact. For years, I ate whole foods while at home, but ate lots of processed food at parties or when running errands. Because I didn’t plan, I’d show up at birthday parties starving, or would be so hungry after running errands all day that I’d give in to the first food I saw: usually junk. Now, I care for myself by planning ahead and taking the time to take food with me.
Low sugar snacks
For snacks, I often have nuts: pumpkin seeds, walnuts, pistachios and almonds are my favorites. I love to pair them with a tart green apple or some berries. Many times, I’ll have a small meal, such as a bowl of soup or a salad, when I’m hungry.
But what about children’s snacks? While I serve my children an abundance of whole foods, I also make room for treats. My kids do eat sugar, and my husband and I offer them intentional treats. If you took a picture of my pantry and fridge right now, you’d find tons of whole foods – as well as treat foods like low sugar granola, Nut thins, tortilla chips, and potato chips in the pantry, a dark chocolate bar in the fridge, and several flavors of ice cream in the freezer.
For example, Saturday night is pizza night at our house. They often have a treat with it like a stevia sweetened or kombucha soda, fresh popped popcorn in coconut oil, or sugar sweetened (vs. corn syrup sweetened) ice cream with berries and nuts. This is the balance that works for our family. I also have teenagers, and I’m sure they have treats when they’re out of the house!
How to help your child love healthy food
One of the surprising things I’ve learned about weaning my children off too much processed or sugary foods is that as the mom – the provider and caretaker – I need to take it upon myself to offer and prepare healthy food for my children. This is not something to leave up to my children, nor to make their responsibility. This knowledge came from studying with my mentor, Dr. Gordon Neufeld, and his attachment based theory of child development.
We often tell children – especially children who are old enough to do so – to fix themselves a snack or healthy food when they’re hungry. Then we can feel frustrated when we find them later, snacking on junk. But this misses an understanding of how children grow and develop.
It’s a paradox: we foster independence in our children not by forcing or pushing independence, but by fostering dependence. The more children feel cared for and nurtured the more they want to stand on their own two feet and learn to do it themselves. It’s how they internally develop those models and patterns and forms of, “This is how I eat. This is how I care for my body. This is what makes my body feel good.”
If you want your children to internalize a healthy relationship with food and want them to choose healthy foods on their own as they grow and leave home, you need to create a positive food culture that associates loving memories of connection, contact, closeness, and pleasure with healthy food.
It’s these positive memories, combined with your provision of healthy food, that is their best bet against unhealthy eating habits – not indoctrinating your children to the dangers of junk food or explaining why they need certain foods or why they shouldn’t eat others.
If you want to learn more about this idea, you may enjoy reading Jeannie Marshall’s memoir, The Lost Art of Feeding Kids, her story of raising her son in the food culture of Italy and her understanding of how we pass on a love of healthy food to our children.
Move to care for your child by feeding them
One of the keys to this approach is to offer your children regular, hearty meals of whole foods. I find that my children will often say, “I’m not hungry” when I ask them if they want something to eat. But if I move to care for them and prepare food for them, they will happily eat it – even foods like vegetables! It’s not that they’re not hungry when they say, “I’m not hungry,” – more accurately, it’s that they’re tired and they don’t feel like cooking themselves something healthy. It’s why they eat chips or candy instead – it takes no effort to prepare these foods.
What they’re needing and wanting is to be cared for and fed. This is an invitation for us to move to meet their needs, to be their answer and offer them healthy, nourishing food. This longing to be fed and nourished is no different than how we feel at the end of the day – tired, worn out and hungry. We also long to return home to a delicious, healthy home cooked meal and the greater sense of relaxation that comes from being cared for. I know when my husband does this for me I feel so nurtured and supported!
Some ideas of healthy snacks
So rather than serving snack foods, or spending hours buying, reading labels, or trying to find a healthy snack food that is sugar free, try making yourself or your child a mini meal when they’re hungry. Here are some ideas from my family’s repertoire:
- Dinner leftovers from the night before – a bowl of soup is especially satisfying at 4 p.m.
- A huge salad with veggies, some protein (meat, cheese, nuts, etc.), tart apples, and a tangy, rich homemade dressing. I like this one from Well Fed author, Melissa Joulwan. I LOVE this dressing. I quadruple the recipe as it goes so fast in our house.
- Veggies and homemade ranch dip (I make this dairy free ranch with coconut cream here)
- If you or your children can handle grains, try toast (made on sprouted, grainless bread) with almond butter or unsweetened peanut butter
- A cheese and salami plate (we like the Applegate farms brand that is nitrate free)
- Nitrate free bacon and a fried egg (We eat a lot of bacon at our house.)
- Guacamole and veggies (We live in Texas and eat a lot of guacamole.)
- Hummus and veggies
- Corn tortillas with hot melted cheddar cheese, black beans, and salsa. (I put several on a cookie sheet and stick them in the broiler until they’re warm and the cheese is melted and bubbly. Yes, I am known to forget that there are tortillas in the broiler and to notice the alarming smell of something burning.)
- A serving of low sugar fruit, such as an apple, some berries, tangerines or a nectarine, with some peanut butter, almond butter or nuts
- An apple or banana, cut into slices, with almond butter
- Plain yogurt or plain greek yogurt with almonds and berries (We use fresh when available; frozen berries in the winter.)
- A rice cake with cream cheese and peanut butter, sometimes with a dash of a no-sugar added jam (I know it sounds odd, but my kids loved these when they were small.)
- Set out a plate of veggies, like cherry tomatoes, sugar snap peas, and red peppers, some diced grilled, leftover chicken, hardboiled eggs, and some leftover meatballs
- Nuts: almonds, cashews and pistachios are my kid’s favorites
- Smoothies: we probably make a smoothie 7-8 times a week in our house. We use a variety of frozen fruit, unsweetened protein powder, greens, bananas, nuts, seeds – you can stick all sorts of healthy things in smoothies!
- An antipasto platter of olives, sliced mozzarella cheese, tomatoes, and grapes
- Tuna, salmon or chicken salad – we don’t eat much tuna anymore, as we prefer salmon for health reasons. Here’s how you can find wild caught, canned salmon. I make my own homemade mayo without sugar every week, and use it for all sorts of things, including meat salads. I use this recipe and omit the honey.
- A piece of leftover fritatta from breakfast
- Steamed broccoli with a baked red potato topped with lots of butter
i dont eat sugar too 🙂 my favorite snank is almonds or very sliced pears.I even made a blog about my diet because of the almonds
Thanks for the great snack ideas (for me and for the kids). I'm still trying to lose some weight so I look for snacks that do not contain sugar but are also not super high in calories. I do love to keep nuts and fruit around and yesterday I did plain fat free yogurt w/chopped nuts and diced fruit – even my hubby loved it 😉 Thanks again.
Almonds are wonderful! A sliced apple and almonds is my favorite snack. Tamari almonds are also a favorite snack food of mine. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and a link to your blog. XO, Karly
Hi Suzanne,
I am happy that my snack ideas were helpful to you. I love yogurt and nuts, too – have you tried greek style yogurt? http://www.voskos.com/
It's low fat and high in protein. My favorites are by Fago and Voskos. Trader Joe's also has a nice one. My children love greek style yogurt, too.
How wonderful for you that you are working on creating greater health for yourself. I celebrate with you.
XO, Karly
Help. I am addicted to sugar and very over weight. How do you avoid sugar when eating out? I work a lot and eat out frequently. 🙁
Hi Sarah,
I love having someone cook for me – it's a great support for me as I get really tired of cooking and I like to try new things. So I look for restaurants/grocery stores that offer sugar free options. Health food stores are a great resource. Local restaurants that use local produce are another favorite – one of the reasons why I choose local restaurants over chain restaurants (the food is generally fresher, healthier and less processed.)
That being said, sometimes you just do the best you can. When my daughter's soccer team went to Chili's at an out of town game, I went along and found something that was sugar free (chicken, broccoli and a baked potato.) I made do with what was available.
There are times when I am eating out and I eat sugar inadvertantly. This happened the other day when I was eating soup and cornbread at a deli. As soon as I had a bite of cornbread, I could taste the sugar in it. I didn't beat myself up about it – I just gave the rest to my husband. And I didn't use it as an excuse of, "Oh, I messed up, I might as well…." and use this as an opportunity to binge.
It's not about being perfect or being fixated on sugar or looking at sugar as the enemy. Just do the best that you can with the options you have available. Bring a healthy dish to a party if you know there won't be many healthy options. Or if you know the craisins in the salad have sugar in them put them aside.
I think it's about being really comfortable honoring your needs and omitting part of the meal or asking for what you want.
It also takes time and practice. Sweetheart, I've been working on this for many years. So start where you are. Start with one restaurant meal and go from there.
For more help, I talk about this very issue in my ebook, Overcoming Sugar Addiction: http://www.firstourselves.com/sugar-support/sugar…
HI Karly,
I'm confused, sometimes you mention eating a potato or corn. Aren't those no no"s?? I feel afraid to eat fruit as it may trigger a binge. Is this in my head. I thought potatoes are the worst…
nikki
Hi Karly,
Your book interests me and I tried to order the ebook online with paypal and I have been stuck on the "Please wait while we validate your payment" page for an hour. I've clicked the "click here to refresh" link a couple times, but still have not been given access to the book. Have other people had this issue? I've never had a problem paying with paypal before. Please help.
Thanks,
Katie
Hi Katie, I am sincerely sorry! I will email you personally to get this figured out. Thank you for letting me know. XO Karly
Hi Karly – Before I invest in your book just wanted to hear from you about a few things. I have always been a sneak eating sugar addict, since early childhood. Controlled my weight as a teen and young adult with eating disorders and lots of exercise. Went into parenthood late in life (40), and since then have gained almost 40 pounds, and eat cookies from dawn until dusk. When I have done hypnosis and/or weight watchers and eaten reasonably for two weeks or so I become uncontrollably hungry and go back to my old ways. The other issue is parenthood (I hate whining about parenthood, but on this point I have no choice). Between work and child, and the cost of babysitting, there’s not a lot of time/practicality in going to the gym and until parenthood the sugar addiction was “off set” by the exercise. How do I get past the rebound hunger/cravings, when I haven’t been successful, except with disfunctional methods, at any point in my life. How do I get my life “back” when I can’t find a way to build exercise (I am active, ride bike, actually play with my kid at the park etc) into my daily routine? Does the book address these issues? Also, I complain about my kid being a picky eater, but lets just say she gets it from her mother. The idea of giving up cookies for celery and almond butter just does nothing for me.
Karly,
I am a young college student who often binges on sugary foods to deal with the pressures of life, especially losing weight. The thing is, sugary sweets are the only thing I can think of to look forward to. I use sweets often when I am upset, tired, or lonely. Is there a way I can make sure I don't turn to sweets for comfort? I have a strong feeling I am addicted to this method.
Thanks!
I have recently given up refined sugars too. It was hard at first but I always thought that I preferred to savoury to sweet anyway. But I thought that I would share with everyone the snacks that I eat sometimes that are low in sugars:
– Peanut butter on celery
– Savoury cheese oatcakes (very addictive)
– Cashews or macadamias, almonds etc
– Greek yoghurt with banana
– Cheese and spinach muffins
Sometimes I make my own cheese-flavoured popcorn like this:-
Ingredients:
2 tablespoons olive oil
2oz/55g/1/3 cup popping corn
1oz/25g/1/4 cup butter
1oz/25g/1/4 cup parmesan
Tiny pinch of salt (as parmesan is quite salty)
1) Heat veg oil in large saucepan until hot. Add the popping corn and spread it around base of pan
2) Cook the corn until it starts to pop and then put on a lid. Cook for three more minutes while shaking the pan
3) Melt butter in a small pan over a low heat and stir in grated cheese and salt. Spoon over popcorn and mix well. YUM!
Another one of the simplest recipes ever but so delicious is:
Barbequed peaches
Ingredients:
1 peach
Tin foil
Greek yoghurt to serve
1) Halve peach, wrap in tin foil
2) Leave foil package on hot barbeque for 1hr – 1hr 1/2 or until soft
3) You will then be left with a soft, sweet peach in peach juices which tastes absolutley gorgeous with some greek yoghurt
TIP: You could also serve this as a phenomenal dessert, or experiment with other fruits. It would also taste very nice with a vanilla pod.
I love making no-added sugar desserts such as:
– combining sweet mango, natural yoghurt and mint to make a delicious frozen yoghurt dessert
– mascapone with a little vanilla topped with black cherries and almonds
– Papaya and banana platter
– Baked puff pastry topped with creme fraiche and stewed fruit
– Frozen berries blended with yoghurt and mint to make a berry ice cream
– Sweet apples stuffed with apricots and almonds and baked
– Making a naturally sweet mango fool with tinned mango pulp folded into whipped cream
– Lychees are also naturally very sweet
– Make the ultimate fruit platter with: lychees, mango slithers, blackberries, pomegranate seeds, kiwi, passionfruit, raspberries all served with greek yoghurt/or anything else you want with a vanilla pod. So good!
For the ultimate sweet treat (which isn’t that healthy):
Peanut Butter and Jam Bars
– Either make (or buy) a shortbread base (that has been baked)
– Top with peanut butter spread evenly
– Spread on a fruit puree/ no sugar jam
– Bake again for 25-30 mins
These are very indulgent but nice!
Onions are another vegetable that can taste very sweet. Here is my recipe for:-
CARAMELISED ONION TART
1oz/25g/1/4 cup butter
600g/1 lb 5oz onions
2 eggs
100ml/ 31/2 flu oz/ 1/2 cup double (heavy) cream
100g/ 31/2 flu oz/ 1/2 cup grated cheese (cheddar is nice or gruyere)
20cm/8 inch ready baked pastry case (or make your own if you want)
1) Melt butter over medium heat. Add onions and fry for 30 mins until onions are carmelized and sweet and very soft. Set pan aside.
2) Preheat oven to 190/375/Gas mark 5.
3) Beat the eggs in a large bowl, add the cream and season to taste. Add the cheese and reserve a little for the top of the tart. Stir in the cooked onions.
4) Pour egg and onion mix into baked pastry case, sprinkle on cheese and bake in oven for 15-20 mins until the filling is set and is beginning to brown
5) Leave to rest for 10 mins and then dig in! It tastes very sweet from the sweet onions!
Some another snacks I like include:
– Advocado
– Wholegrain crackers with soft cheese and grapes
– For breakfast sometimes I’ll have a toasted roll with mushrooms, apricots and yoghurt, pan scones or cheese scones.
So thanks for reading and I hope what I wrote has given people some ideas about the things I eat and enjoy. Thanks for all the interesting suggestions for food snacks and I will be trying out some soon.
Thanks!
Emma Thorn
Thank you so much for your snack ideas! I am beginning college soon and have been working on my health and fitness for some time now. I used to binge several times a day, and I ending up gaining quite a bit of weight the last couple of years. I am not overweight, but bingeing just made me feel terrible. After realizing that I was hurting God by trashing my temple, He began to give me the strength to resist the urge to binge. I am in no way perfect, but things are so much better now. I am eating more veggies, controlling my portions, and listening to my body more. Recently, however, I began to notice that I was consuming way too much sugar. I have been appalled several times by how much sugar you can consume in one day! Since then, I have been watching my sugar intake, but it is so difficult to find foods that are sugarfree! Thank you again for your help in that regard. I hope I can get off the sugar track for good soon!
Thanks! I needed an inspiring list of snacks because I get hives and insomnia from eating sugar but I love it so much. I'm making my shopping list and found your blog- thanks!
Wow, thank you all so much for these wonderful sugar free ideas! I’m getting older and my body is changing in all kinds of ways. 🙁 Last summer out of the clear blue, my whole entire digestive system pretty much went downhill! I couldn’t keep anything down, waking with horrendous heartburn, etc. At the time, not knowing what on earth was going on with me….I started cutting out several things…just to attempt to try and relieve my symptoms. Tried a gluten free diet (I found GF to be extremely hard), I tried dairy free, and also weaned myself off of refined sugars. So here I am about 7 months since I first started having serious issues, and I’m still sugar free (I LOVED sweets/desserts and NEVER thought I’d be living sugar free! I do not desire sugar at all. So reading all of the above snack, dessert, meal, suggestions is a huge help. I have come a long way throughout this “journey”. I have since found out that I had/have 2 small ulcers and some areas of erosion in the lining of my stomach, that the GI Dr. is attributing to my issues. And I’m down 54 lbs!!!!! 🙂 Largely due to cutting out sugars, eating small portions (I eat on a kiddie size plate or bowl), and I try to exercise at least 4 times a week. Anyways, thanks again!
Thank you for sharing your ideas, Emma!
In love and care, Karly
Andrea, I feel so happy that you're finding healing in your physical and emotional body. Thank you for sharing your story with us here.
In love and care, Karly
You're very welcome Paige – I feel so glad I could help. Insomnia is the pits!
XO, Karly
Lydia,
I'm glad the ideas were helpful! May you continue to find peace and healing in your sweet body.
In love and care, Karly
dearest author,
bacon, at least most bacon, is cured in sugar. it won't be in the nutrition info, but it will be in the ingredients(if it is cured in sugar)
thanks
Some of these ideas are good, but I'm apprehensive to heed any of the advice. When people reduce the processed sugar from their diets, they don't often increase their intake of saturated fat by using "lots" of butter and eating "a lot" of bacon.
Also, a baked potato is a bit much as a snack for a child. I'm an adult and I consider a baked potato about half of a meal.
Hi Mel,
We each need different amounts of food, don't we? I have two growing boys right now, and I wonder if they might eat 2 baked potatoes these days!
In love and care, Karly
Hi Mel,
I encourage you to "chew up the meat and spit out the bones" – to take the ideas that work for you and use them, and to toss aside those that don't. These are options that work for me and my family – I appreciate that your body or that someone else's might need something different.
Warmly, Karly
Don’t apples and bananas (listed as sugar free snacks) contain a shed load of sugar?
Hi Shane,
Yes, indeed – fruit contains natural forms of sugar. Most people who are looking for support for a sugar free diet are looking for foods without added sugar, and not necessarily foods that have some natural sugar in them, like fruits and vegetables.
There’s debate in the health community about how much natural sugar people should eat for maximum health. You may try Diane Sanfilippo’s work to answer this question, as she is a nutritionist who focuses on the what to eat question in a way that I find helpful.
My focus is not on what to eat or how to eat, but on healing the emotional and psychological roots of sugar addiction, food addiction, and eating disorders.
I hope that helps!
Warmly, Karly
This post has been so eye-opening for me, especially your thoughts on guiding children to have a healthy relationship with food by creating a positive food culture – I think I’m going to print out that paragraph and stick it on my fridge! My question for you though is this, how do you get to that point if you, as the parent, are still struggling with building your own healthy relationship with food? I’m working through my own food issues, with the help of your book and this website, but one of my main concerns is that as I’m doing so, I’m not taking the time to help my kids build their own healthy relationships with food. If I’m struggling to feed myself, I’m really, really struggling to figure out how to feed my kids in addition to feeling horribly guilty that I’m passing on some terrible food relationship guidance. Sometimes I wish I could just hit a pause button, figure out how to feed myself, and then carry on with feeding my kids. Anyway, I really like what you wrote about feeding kids, I see it as my end-goal. Thank you for putting it out there.
Hi Erin,
These are great questions, and point to a dilemma to which every parent can relate. You articulate the vulnerability of parenthood so well – yes, I think we all wish for that pause button when we feel alarmed about our own stuff negatively impacting our children. It’s so vulnerable, and I have so much empathy for you!
A few things that may help:
1. Get support for yourself.
Parenting brings up so many vulnerable feelings in us – alarm/anxiety, fear, frustration, anger, shame, embarrassment and grief. One of the most helpful tools that I’ve found for caring for these feelings is a listening partnership – where you get the chance to connect with another parent and receive emotional support – a connected space to feel, process and release these emotions. This can help you move feelings of guilt, fear, and grief so you can feel more confident about caring for your children’s emotions and needs. I have a listening partnership and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself!
The guilt you describe is understandable as well – that tells me how much you care and how much you want to nurture and support your children. Of course! Listening partnerships are particularly helpful in processing guilt, for under guilt there is often grief – sorrow that things weren’t or aren’t different.
Listening partnerships are also an excellent way to drain the build up of emotion that drives most overeating, food policing, sugar bingeing, and binge eating in the first place – so it’s doubly helpful!
Listening partnerships are a tool from Hand in Hand parenting, and you can learn more below –
http://shop.handinhandparenting.org/collections/booklets/products/listening-partnerships-for-parents-booklet-digital
https://listeningtotears.com/2016/03/25/an-introduction-to-hand-in-hand-parenting/
2. Include your relationship with food inside your definition of a good mom.
This is about a shift in perspective – we can feel so alarmed by our areas of struggle and dysfunction that we may think that we’re tainting our children beyond repair. This can lead us to divide ourselves into “good” and “bad” – I’m a good parent except or a good parent but….. This division of “good” and “bad” is a form of Puritanism, where we go to war to eradicate those parts of us that we think are “bad” and harmful to our children.
This war against the “bad” is a painful separation. It leads to perfectionism, shame when we mess up, attempts to control, and a chronic sense of alarm/anxiety about causing harm. It compounds our compulsions – it doesn’t heal them – and leads us to fear our own hearts, our own being. We may start to believe that we have to be a perfectly together parent to be a healthy parent.
Ouch, it’s so painful!
The antidote to this separation is connection! In the same way that you make lots of room for your children and their various emotions, needs, and selves, make lots and lots of room for all of you. I invite you to include your struggles in your parenting journey – in other words, you don’t have to have a “perfect” relationship with food to care for your children, or to give them a healthy relationship with it. There is room for you and your struggles in the definition of a “good” parent.
You can’t eliminate your own journey – for to do so is to cut yourself off from a part of you. But you can foster a relationship with it. We are the caretaker of our struggles – we are asked to relate to them – not the controller of them. When we focus on relationship, we bring in space, compassion, understanding, empathy, room for mistakes, room for repair, lightheartedness, humility, hope and more. These things heal the separation of judgment and nurture healing.
What if your food “stuff” wasn’t a hindrance to your parenting, but the perfect opportunity for connection – to meet yourself right where you are?
The fact that you have your own issues is not a problem – in fact, it’s by stretching yourself to be the parent your children need you to be that you foster your own growth process. I was taught this truth by my mentor in developmental psychology, Dr. Gordon Neufeld, and it is so helpful and heartening. It is never too late, and our children don’t need perfect parents to be healthy, or to grow.
There is room for all of you and for all of us. What a relief!
3. Use the power of ritual and community.
Isolation and shame perpetuate our struggles; connection and support soften them.
If you get stuck in the nuts and bolts of, “But when and what do I feed my kids?” get lots and lots of support. Ask others around you to help you – whether it’s with shopping, meal prep, menus, or modeling.
Use rituals to create structures around food – maybe it’s a dessert every week on family movie night, or a weekly make your own pizza night. Maybe it’s a structure of a big healthy snack at 4:00 where everyone gathers and has a mini meal.
A friend of mine who spent time in France said that that’s what struck him about their culture – the culture itself is a container that makes food choices very easy. There are cultural expectations about when you drink, when you have dessert, how you eat, etc. that simplify the process considerably and create safety and ease. (Here in the West, in our hubris, we have abandoned much of culture and tradition – we tend to be more freedom oriented. That’s part of why we struggle so – we don’t have a set understanding of “this is what you do when.”)
Structure and ritual serves as a riverbank that guides you and steers you without having to devote so much time or emotional energy to deciding. The rituals can serve as a support for you, where you feel “held,” at rest, and less anxious about food.
I hope these three steps bring ease and empowerment to your heart!
Warmly, Karly
Even though it says “kids can make” and I have no children, I am going to use a lot of these! Working full time makes it hard to find time or energy to make complicated meals, and so it is great to have a summery list of easy meals!
Glad this is helpful to you Elizabeth! I love simple meals too.
Hi karly, I am trying to change my four year old sons diet. This is nothing to do with weight loss but because his teeth are really discoloured and all he lives on is nuggets, ketchup and sugary treats. He doesn’t like trying anything new and is very stubborn when it comes to it. I’m trying to find a good diet plan for us to start getting used to. I’m not a very good cook either and I don’t have much money for fancy food. We dont own a blender so juicing is out the window too. He drinks alot of juice which I am going to ban and only have water from now on. What would you recommend for breakfast, lunches and dinners?
Hi Amy,
What great questions! I hear how much you’re wanting some guidance on healthy, inexpensive food for your son. I have a few more suggestions here on what to eat, including meals you could cook for your son:
https://growinghumankindness.com/what-do-i-eat-now-that-im-sugar-free/
While I do offer these two blog posts on what to eat, my focus is on helping people heal an emotional attachment to food and sugar – so I personally don’t have more resources to share.
I can direct you to some other folks that have been helpful to me in understanding how to cook for and feed my family, and also while doing it on a budget.
I’ve used many recipes from Mommypotamus – http://www.mommypotamus.com/
Sally Fallon’s cookbooks were very helpful guides to me when my children were small – https://www.amazon.com/Sally-Fallon/e/B000APH4JA
And my biggest asset over the years has been the library – I check out lots of cookbooks and photocopy recipes. If a recipe calls for sugar, I’d simply omit it. Or if a recipe called for an ingrediant that my family doesn’t eat – for example, I have a gluten free daughter – I’d substitute something else.
Some of our favorite cookbook authors over the years include Rick Bayless, Giada De Laurentiis, Rachael Ray, and Danielle Walker.
I hope that helps!
Warmly,
Karly