There can be a snide competition between women, where we allow other women to be beautiful …. to a point. Other women can be pretty, as long as they’re not too pretty. A woman can be beautiful, but if she’s also smart, organized, and a great mom? Forget it. We gossip about her and secretly love seeing her slip up. We alternate between wanting to be her and, well, hating her.
I remember a friend from college, a heartbreakingly beautiful girl who incited much envy from other girls. (I will be flat out honest and share how intimidated I was of her when we first met!) Her crime? She let her beauty shine: she wore make-up, curled her hair and dressed stylishly. When girls spoke about her beauty behind her back, they would whisper, “But she wears a lot of make-up,” as if that could explain away her beauty.
This competitive drive, this need to label – am I beautiful? am I pretty? how pretty? where do I fall in the beauty spectrum? – keeps us from honoring our unique beauty. It squelches our individuality. Instead of enjoying our beauty, and trying to be our best selves, we act like junior high girls who all have to dress alike, talk alike, and look alike.
If we believe that we are in a giant, cosmic beauty pageant with other women, that other women’s beauty somehow diminishes our own, or if we are addicted to being the prettiest woman in the room, we will never feel good enough. Instead of befriending other women, or celebrating their gifts, we will see them as the enemy, and do everything we can to knock them down. Instead of befriending ourselves, and our own bodies, we will see them as the enemy, and do everything we can to knock them down.
I think of how I’ve spent much of my life trying to be someone other than me. Or, a better, improved version of me. Celebrate my gifts? My unique beauty, body, personality? No.
When I was a teenager, with a boy’s body, I wanted breasts and hips and thighs like my friends. When I was a curvy new mother – with breasts and hips and thighs – I wanted to be like that young teenager. When I moved to Montana, I tried to show that, yes, I’m a part of the club: I like the outdoors and camping and clogs. I dutifully traded my skirts and make-up for jeans and a parka.
All of my efforts to be more like everybody else only left me unhappy and lost. The truth is that I don’t fit in….when I’m trying to be someone other than myself.
I read this statement in Eat, Pray, Love last night: “God dwells within you, as you.” I don’t have to change and be more like someone else to be okay. I am perfect … just as I am. I am beautiful …. just as I am. Inauthentic living – trying to be someone I’m not; trying to look like someone I’m not – and beauty are contradictory forces. I can’t be beautiful if I’m ashamed of who I am and what I like. I can’t be beautiful if I’m scrambling my energies trying to be more like my friends, my peers, or a model on a magazine. The most beautiful woman that I can be is … me.
As I free myself to be authentically, proudly me, I free other women. As I let my beauty shine, I open up a space for other women to shine. Sometimes, this means giving women permission to be drop dead beautiful – prettier than me – and to love them for it.
When we’re feeling jealous, we think someone else has something we don’t or can’t have. It can arise because we think beauty is a limited commodity – your beauty somehow takes away from my own, or vice versa. It becomes a scarce resource we fight over so we can get our “fair share.”
We can also feel jealous or criticize others when we’re living dishonestly. Instead of looking inside at how we compromise our integrity, we project these feelings onto others. Instead of feeling the regret or lack of authenticity, it’s much easier to feel jealous. It’s safe, because it can be all about someone else.
Last week, I met a friend for coffee. This is a woman with impeccable style. As long as I’ve known her, she’s looked like she stepped out of a magazine, even in her schleppiest clothes. It would be easy to envy her fantastic wardrobe, her great style, her trim body, her physical beauty. For years, I was envious – because she dressed like I wanted to dress … if I had the courage. Today, I admire her. I admire her courage to wear a skirt and knee high boots in the middle of a Montana winter – her authenticity – because it reminds me how much I love putting on a skirt and heels, and gives me the nudge forward to do so.
And yet the only way I could find that admiration was by – gulp – recognizing that the things she gave herself I didn’t allow myself to have.
Jealous feelings can arise when we’re being inauthentic – silencing our style or our beauty, or, on a greater level, the very things that bring us happiness – and we see another woman who is expressing her style and beauty. We see her confidence in being true to herself and want the same for ourselves. That woman pricks us, hooks us with envy, and brings that uncomfortable contrast to the surface. Jealousy.
Instead of using these feelings as cause to hate a pretty woman, or worse, to use them as ammunition to hate yourself for feeling jealous, I gently invite you to use that discomfort to unleash your true self. Use your envy like a pitchfork, to dig underneath whatever keeps you from being authentic and find that juicy, creative, beautiful manna that resides inside, just waiting to burst forth. Jealousy is only a signpost, to guide you to a place where you feel lacking. Think about how you can fill that lack by being authentic to who you are, to your body, to your beauty, and then sharing that with the world.
Most importantly, forgive yourself for feeling jealous. It’s quite human, an attempt to protect ourselves from pain. In writing this article, and in honestly sharing how much I’ve felt jealous, I hope to normalize this emotion and talk about the elephant in the room – how much we can feel competitive towards each other.
Hopefully, as we meet our envy with kindness, we can soften it’s hold.
This is why this practice is important to me: When we’re jealous of other women, when we’re competing with each other, we crumble the foundations of our very support. Women need each other. I’m reminded of this everyday, when a girlfriend or my mom or my aunt comes to my aid.
And, likewise, I validate and support and uphold the women in my life, I increase the courage and strength of women everywhere, every time I let a beautiful woman be beautiful, a strong woman be strong, a pretty woman be pretty; every time I let me be me.
A note to readers: Good readers, I wanted to let you know that I’m no longer accepting comments for this post and have closed the comments. This post has generated a lot of strong feelings, and discussion over the past ten years. But unfortunately, it’s a discussion that I don’t have the space to moderate in a way that feels good to me, or that monitors some of the talk that has been hurtful to folks.
As I don’t have the capacity to care for this discussion in a manner that feels right, the best solution is to close the comments.
Thank you your good hearts and understanding!
Sincerely, Karly Pitman
Though this was written in February and its now July, it ministered to my spirit tremendously. The quote, "addicted to being the prettiest woman in the room," hit me like a ton of bricks. I have spent so much time, focus and energy wanting, needing, demanding attention and compliments that I literally fell into depression when I didn't receive it. I asked God to free me from this because I know He wants to use me to encourage other women. He is freeing me and He led me to your website. This article was/is a blessing. I am going to get the book you mentioned tonight. Its time to start realizing, "God dwells within me, as me."
This was a really in depth article on self -acceptance. I have been on the receiving end of much hatred, even before someone has gotten to know me. And naturally myself I have found myself jealous of other women who seem to have a perfect body, or look hotter, etc.
I had an old co-worker and while when I first met her I treated her as a co-worker or even potential friend but then she became really strange and crazed and would give me dirty nasty looks and hostility. I wound up strongly disliking her, and competing with her on some weird level. It wasn't that she was that pretty it was just that natural female competitiveness.
However I'm going to try to be more aware of my behavior and others. Sometimes I'll see even a photo of some gorgeous girl on that net or in passing and I'll feel instant jealousy or insecurity but that comes from not really accepting myself.
I can't thank you enough for this article. A once confident young girl, I would have never imagined college would turn me into the insecure woman I am today. It's amazing and horrifying how being assigned a gorgeous roommate freshman year has greatly altered what I see in the mirror. Today, in many ways, I feel more like a little girl than I did in highschool. This article spoke so much of what I've been too ashamed to admit to myself.
Really, this meant a great deal to me.
Interesting comment. I know men like pretty women. Even my husband, who does treat me like I measure up, acknowledges that he admires other pretty women besides myself. At first, I was stung by this. Then I realized, why not? His acknowledgment of another woman’s beauty does nothing to detract from his love for me, nor his appreciation of my unique beauty.
And that’s the key for me — to see the beauty in someone else without feeling diminished by it. One thing that helps me is complimenting other women very freely and appreciating their beauty. I find this helps me for those times when I’m feeling envious. After all, acknowledging another woman’s beauty does nothing to detract from my own. It’s only my need to compete that thinks another woman’s beauty takes something away from me.
That being said, there is a big difference between appreciating beauty and treating someone you love as “less than” after comparing them to another. Comparisons are cruel. Period. To everyone involved. I don’t condone that kind of behavior whatsoever.
Any other thoughts on this matter, readers?
That’s fine because you have external beauty.
What about for women that don’t have that?
It’s not helpful when people say something like all women have some form of beauty as this simply isn’t true.
Women of us don’t anymore due to our faces sagging and changing dramatically or some simply weren’t born with it in the first place.
It’s very sad situation then because you can’t not not feel jealous or be ok with other women having their own beauty if you don’t have any of your own and also as pointed out,men focus want external beauty:(
We also live in a society that strongly rewards women for their beauty and values attractive women more than unattractive ones.
Dear Leesa,
This is a great point – there is so much judgment and discrimination in our culture around beauty and appearance, and also around women and ageing. I’m glad you brought that into the conversation. And I’m glad that you pointed out that it’s easy for me to talk about beauty when I have external beauty – yes, that’s true.
I understand your feelings and concerns and I’m glad for your vulnerability and honesty.
When I reflect upon jealousy or envy, what I often sense is a feeling of ‘being outside the circle’ – feeling like we’re on the outside looking in, feeling separate from love, and feeling like we’re different or we don’t belong. The reason itself for feeling ‘different’ can vary from person to person – for example, the deepest area of struggle for me around belonging is my mental well being, as I have experienced depression for much of my adult life. This can often make me feel separate from, jealous of, or judged by others – and yes, it is so painful.
I find it helpful to relate to my feelings of jealousy as a feeling of longing – a desire to belong, to be loved, and to be seen. That helps me feel more accepting of the jealous feelings (for they are not easy to feel!) rather than feeling ashamed of them.
And that is not all – as you so poignantly wrote, may we yearn for a society where our true selves can be seen and loved, where we are not judged by our appearance, mental health, economic status, race, gender, and more. I’m so glad you feel strongly about this and advocate for it. I am with you!
Lastly but certainly not least, I am sorry for those times when you have not felt seen or loved, when your beauty has gone unnoticed and unappreciated. I can imagine how painful that is for you, and how much it hurts. If my article contributed to your pain, then I am also in the wrong.
What if your husband/boyfriend always look at the 'prettier' woman and treats you like you dont measure up!
All i know is I AM Beautiful…no matter what they say.
I like this article,it tells us not to be jealous,we should find ourselves,show the public which is the ture us
Great article, I agree with you! I commend you in the fact that you admit having felt envious/jealous of other women in the past. I think most women (including myself) have felt a sense of jealousy, as jealousy is a typical human trait. When I was 15-16, I was on the verge of becoming anorexic, because I felt I wasn’t thin enough (mind you I was 5’5″, and weighted under 100 lbs back then)but I still wanted to have the body of my younger sister. I was sick, and jealousy is a sickness as well. But like most diseases, it can be healed through prayer, emotional support and determination.
Jealousy tends to stem from low self-esteem, and general internal dissatisfaction. Try using these negative feelings to your advantage, if you feel jealous towards a certain woman, then use that negative energy to hit the gym, or go for a run/walk. Also, if you don’t like the way you look, change your hairstyle, reinvent yourself. Before, I got married, I felt very sexy, and I would always get noticed by men in clubs or elsewhere. [I don’t want to sound conceited] but I used to always turn heads. After I got married, I felt like some of sexiness had somehow disappeared, and I believe that was due to the fact that I didn’t care to go out much, and didn’t have anyone to impress lol. So, I started feeling unhappy, and I realized that my unhappiness was stemming from my low self-esteem, so I once again, started dressing up, applying make-up and overall take care of my appearance.
Sorry for the book, but I really like this topic and I wanted to add a few more things. I have no problem admitting that a woman is beautiful, I have also told my husband that I don’t have an issue for him admitting that as well. We, as human beings love beauty and anything that looks of aesthetic value to the eye. However, I have issue having female friends, they seem to be jealous of me for some reason. I don’t consider myself as someone exceptionally amazing, I’m just me, I’m myself. Whereas, these women feel uncomfortable around me because of my education level, and overall level of knowledge, plus i suppose I’m not too shabby looking lol. I feel bad about making these women feel uncomfortable, but I am being myself, I cannot be someone else just because I make someone feel uncomfortable. I grew up surrounded by mostly men plus I work with mostly men, and I feel very comfortable talking to men, and women for some reason dislike me. Go figure!
angela, i understand you, i don't have many female friends either, and it sucks , i am a good girl ! it breaks my heart actually ! i always say, until a woman loves who she is on the inside, no amount of beauty can make her feel good about herself
This article was like a Godsend. I have just had a huge argument with my boyfriend of 2 years. Basically, I have always had self-image and body-image issues, and been perfectionistic to the point of self abuse. It’s the strangest thing, bc every bf I’ve ever had, including my current bf, has always loved the way I looked. I’ve never had issues with straying eyes or cheating mates. However, despite being with a guy that loves me and treats me wonderfully, I am convinced that I am not pretty enough or thin enough or perfect enough. I am paranoid about him encountering other women he thinks are attractive. Sometimes I feel so depressed about myself that I avoid mirrors. In my job, I am in front of the camera, I am judged on my looks, and whatnot. I am 100 lbs and 5’3″, but my dream weight is 10 lbs less and 4 inches taller. I can pick problems with every inch of my body other than my hair. It’s gotten to the point where when people stop me on the street and give me compliments, I try to smile and fake my acceptance of the compliment, but secretly I am thinking, “they’re just being nice” or “There is no way that what they’re saying is true”. I just cannot truly accept or believe compliments. My bf tells me I am beautiful, (he frequently tells me at random times he sees me – in the morning, on the car, late night walking the dogs), and that I am perfect for him like an beautiful and kind angel, I just can’t believe him. I know I am kind and I treat others well, but I think my appearance is my biggest downfall.
I had a breaking point today, and basically broke down. After begging me to try to love myself and understand that he loves me and thinks I am beautiful, regardless of whether or not other women are pretty, I promised to try to change the way I view myself. I just don’t know how. I really didn’t. And I kept telling myself that I must be crazy, that other people don’t have issues like this.
I am so thankful that this article was written. It was like you were speaking to me directly. It is wonderful motivation and points me in a good direction to start improving my self-esteem.
I really struggle with this issue, and now that I’m in my late 40’s it seems to be worse. My husband works with a woman who is 14 years younger than me, a bit taller, a bit prettier and to top it off she flirts and talks dirty to the mostly male employees. I know he discourages her, but he also mentioned that in the beginning she ‘turned his head’.
I can’t seem to accept the fact that he finds her attractive, even though I know he loves me very much and would never do anything to jeapordize our marriage. I’m also pretty, but it’s very hard to compete with someone like this. It’s also difficult knowing that they work very closely all day together and I see him for maybe a couple of hours a day. They have so much in common because work means a lot to him, and she is good at her job, etc.
For some reason I always felt the need to be ‘the prettiest’. I hate that she talks to people around my husband in a suggestive way, and it makes me sick to think the guys eat it up, when to other women, it’s so transparent. When I e-mail him and he doesn’t answer because he’s working on something with ‘her’ it makes me mad. I try to tell myself that I have no control over the fact that they work together and he finds her physically attractive. I just keep driving myself crazy, and feel like I’m 14 instead of 47! I’ve been obsessing over her for 2 years now, and can’t seem to get past it.
As a result I’m very moody and depressed. I’ve been seeing a therapist, but it hasn’t really helped with my natural jealousy.
I hope some day that I can change my outlook. This article and posts make a lot of sense to me, but actually adopting them is harder to actually do.
Thanks for this. As I posted on another topic, I have been feeling jealousy toward other women my age (61) who were wiser than I and are still fit and trim and full of energy. I am filled with self loathing and regret about letting myself get so huge and out of shape. I don't harbor any ill will toward these other women, but I do beat myself up for what I have allowed to develop over the past 7 years.
Wow, what an a-ha moment! Things are often not as they seem.
I know that nothing we can say can change the way you feel, although I am sure you are beautiful, amazing, and "turn" many other guys' heads. It has to be you- a moment where YOU finally get it. I just wanted to share a thought that helped me with my jealousy. I realized that the more I PUSHED, TRIED, FOUGHT it, the worse it got. The more I just let it go, breathed, relaxed, released control, trusted, had faith…. the better it got.
This was very comforting to read. I really needed to feel at piece with my body and how I look these days. Thank you Karly for this article!
Exactly! This article has been extremely comforting to me, thank you so very much for your investment of time here.
I have been wrestling with this very issue more often than usual lately and I have developed a bit of a formula that I say to myself that has proven very helpful. Here it goes: "She is a beautiful woman, and I am a beautiful woman. She has a different kind of beauty than I do, and I can admire, accept, and appreciate the difference in our beauty and in doing so, I am made that much more beautiful." That's a lot of words for all the pretty woman I encounter (!) but it has been a lifesaver emotionally for me.
I really enjoyed reading this article as well as listening to the audio message. Idk, maybe God lead me to this site or something as I was pondering over some things. EVERY woman who is honest with herself has, at some point, been jealous toward a woman and her unique beauty (whether physical, talents/gifts, career status, marital status, intelligence, and the list goes on) The key really is knowing what makes you beautiful, so you in turn allow other women to shine and be beautiful as what Karly said. I will definitely be passing this on!
Thank you for your honesty.
You may find this poem on being "pretty" powerful, by Kate Makkai at the national poetry slam:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6wJl37N9C0
I agree that we should never use our jealousy to tear other women down. I am jealous of beautiful women nearly every hour of my life, but I make sure to say three positive thoughts to them for every negative one, and never let myself speak about their physical appearance in anything but positive tones.
But I don't really buy that we can somehow use our jealousy to get to the "beautiful" creative woman within. Sometimes… people really are ugly. And ugly people are treated differently than pretty people. So what if I think I'm beautiful… no body else does. If I lived alone by myself on a desert island, that'd be fine, but I have to interact and live among people who treat me differently based on how I look, and treat OTHER women differently based on how THEY look.
How could I not be jealous?
I’m going to sound soo rotten and full of myself right now and im sorry! But alot of people i meet in my life do say im beautiful or stunning. But for some reason I feel average or ugly. I see theese pretty women in the media like katy perry, megan fox and cheryl cole. Women who men seem to be obsessed with and im thinking is this what men expect from me now? for me to look completely polished and glammed up every single day. With the flat toned six pack, professional amazing makeup and the full collagen lips. It has put me off men for life!!! How can i be this perfect woman every single day? I just cant be that person. My boyfriend says im beautiful and so do his friends and family, but yet he still fancies female celebs who aren’t even that great looking. Aren’t i enough for him? I feel so depressed. It feels like men just cant be satisfied with one woman no matter how gorgeous or kind she is. I used to admire beautiful women, but now i feel ill just thinking about seeing one. My heart falls to my stomach when im with my partner and i see a pretty girl walking by or on TV. I dont feel good enough for anybody. I feel like a failure. I want to look like someone else all the time. Im becoming obsessed.
I pray to god to make theese negative feelings go away. But nothing changes. Dont know how much longer i can take it.
i know how you feel i get told i am pretty, beautiful and other stuff but when i see a pretty girl i look right at my boyfriend to see if he looks at her then i think well wonder what he is thinking about or what does she have that i dont. I am killing my soul everyday and i wish i knew how to get over it and start beliving what i am told.
I have been struggling with being jealous of other womens beauty for a long time now. It is to the point where i hate myself for not being as beautiful as there are and i know i am not cause i really dont get guys lusting or chasing after me. So i am learning to deal with my issues and know that I will be disappointed when it comes to a man cause i am not very fortunate in the looks.
I also have been dealing with this issue here lately. I have aways been the jealous type. These past few weeks it has really gotten ahold of me. I learned after almost twenty years of my husband working without a secretary that they would be looking into hiring one. He also has a new site that he has to visit and that would be the public swimming pool. Imagine a mans dream to be able to work at a pool surrounded by beautiful and young fit women. I have now started to work out and top of all that tried cutting for the first time. My intentions are not to commit suicide but to relieve pressure. I used to think why do these kids do that. The truth is at that moment it doesn’t hurt as much as your heart. I am tired of always comparing myself to others. I want to be happy again so my husband doesn’t have to walk around on eggshells. I too am happy I found this website. I want to stop noticing pretty people who in turn make it hard for me to live. I know pretty is around. I know I am not beauty pagent material, but why do men have to make it such a big deal. With their googoo gaagaa eyes. Even when I do get recognized I feel uncomfortable, because I attract what I don’t find “my husband material”. Thank you again and I will be listening to your video.
I think the most important thing to remember is that all of the celebrities has TEAMS of stylists working on them for hours. The stars don't even really look "like themselves!" go to google and do an image search for celebrities without makeup. You'll be shocked! And if your significant other is the type to always lust after the stars show him what they look like without makeup! A lot of men dont realize what a bunch of bs the whole thing is. Men need to be better educated about representations of women in the media.
And next time you feel bad about the way you look or anything else, hre's a saying to keep in mind: we weren't created to be all alike, we were created to be ourselves – to fill a place that no one else can fill.
This was a timely message for me. Thank you for sharing this – I neededthis message.
When i walk down the street i get stares from men and from women. I know I am beautiful. Women would sometimes give me very nasty stares. I use to have very low self-esteem but if they staring me down like that it must be something about me that they like. I am the jealous type too. I dont like seeing pretty females. I like to be the center of attention. I dress revealing, and like when guys stare at me and try to get my number. I love my figure. I dont think I can get over my jealous feelings that I have for females. I have been to therapy and everything. and nothing works. Females annoy me, and im always moody.
I feel the same way! More so when I was young, I got stared at by men a lot and glared at by women. Nowadays, it's usually when I actually wear makeup and nice clothes. But whenever I have gotten glares by other women, I have always felt like I was doing something wrong and it gave me anxiety. To this day, I'm very nervous to dress up b/c I feel like it is making somebody else uncomfortable….women uncomfortable. As a result of other women not being able to control their insecurities, it has made me dislike a lot of females.
It also drives me nuts when I see females who are gorgeous and they flaunt it and act all flirty. There is a difference between showing your light and acting like an attention grabber. So hard to find good chicks to hang with, when there are so many games out there….so much competition and so many insecurities.
I wish that we saw each other as friends not enemies.
I started dealing w/ jealousy in my 1st marriage it was off the charts. I had since remarried & my husband tells me all i want to hear & is a wonderful supporter. if something on tv makes me uncomfortable he changes the channel. if were out & I spot a threat he agrees to leave or better. i can go on & on & i do agree w/ everyone here. i want freedom. the truth of the matter is my husband is losing out on life. he doesn’t even watch all of the football games because of the cheer leaders …what?? they are shown for a minute at the most & i cant handle it? lol i cant believe myself. i have for the most part my jealousy under control i learned how to control my comments toward my husband. I miss out on life cause instead of going to the candle party Thursday nite im gonna stay home because its football night & Carls Jr. has those stupid ads!!! & i feel like i have to monitor his tv viewing. i would love to know what he does when im not around. lol i know for a fact he aint changing the channel saying oh Marie wont approve of this LOL. anyways this site is awesome & when i see a pretty woman Im gonna try my best to say “let her be beautiful”. i just gotta get it in my head that my husband is truly head over heals for me!!!!
I have been looking for some kind of insight on jealousy, as I recently acquired my first relationship and have unexpectedly become that typical jealous girl. All I’ve been able to find until this webpage has been about “being happy with who you are.” I understand the concept and why it’s important, but I felt like it was an empty phrase you hear all the time. For me, something was missing. Hearing the sound clip on this page was exactly what I needed to get the right perspective. Of course it’s important to be happy with who you are, but I never realized I first need to ALLOW myself to be who I am. I’ve always been squeamish when conversations about female aspects of life come up (menstrual cycle, pregnancy, etc.) even if it’s only between women, and I think it’s a good indicator of how I hide a whole part of myself away. I don’t even feel comfortable calling myself a woman! I realize I need to see the light in others and embrace it, understand it, so I may become comfortable with my whole self. This is so beautiful. Exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.
Thank you! EXACTLY that. People tell me all the time, as if I'm a moron, that I'm "nice", I'm "unique". The hell does that mean???? NICE?! That doesn't even mean ANYTHING by standards of acceptance or desirability!I don't usually talk like this, but I'm actually defined as having dwarfism at 4'9, and NO ONE has EVER given me a second glance out of positive interest. "Be yourself", they say. "Love yourself", they say. Gee, thanks jack ass with the unsolicited advice, I didn't even mention not liking myself, what gave you the grand conclusion I needed that? The fact I'm ALONE EVERYDAY AT MY LUNCH TABLE?!
Beautifully Written!
I’m in the same ” boat as all of you guys here!! I envy or get Jelous at pretty girls everywhere I go!! Dammit! Can’t escape it!! It’s really killing me so I stay home as much as I can because I don’t want to break down in front of people even tough I had before! I just wish I could kill them or something! That’s how much hate I have towards them! I just wish I wasn’t even born !!!
I have a bf , apparently, and ever since the beginning he has been supporting me, been there for me, n I still keep arguing with him if he likes them or not… I would always accuse him of looking but he would say” I didnt even look at no one I was focused on you….. No I don’t like them” stuff like that! I never believed him, sadly! He tells me he only finds me attractive n only me!!! Really?! Who would believe that?! I used to say that is BS!! No guy can only find one girl attractive/ pretty!! Or can they?! I feel bad cuz he used to hurt himself cuz I didn’t believe him or he hasn’t done anything to show me the truth!! I always get like this even when I’m not with him!! Wtf! I tell him don’t you like stupid models?! He’s like “no” I only find you attractive! Who else believes that huh?!!!! He sees me as the most prettiest girl he thinks Im amazing both outside and inside! He also says ” i dont need to look no where else cuz i already have the one i truly want and desire” I think I’m ugly!!! I wonder if that’s the true…!! I wonder if he’s telling me he doesn’t like them just so I wouldn’t be hurt or cuz it’s just the truth!! Ill never know but then again his friends know him n they think he’s trustworthy, honest…. They even call him an angel from God…. I mean I think he was meant to be a priest cuz his just really that kind hearted!!! But he wants to marry me… Wow n his barely 17 n I’m 18…
Oh and I also like to know you guys opinion of him just to know how others see him not just me…. I forgot to write that he thinks looking at other women is cheating or "eye-cheating" … Idk bout that the point to me is to know if he likes them or not…. He also wonders if I find other guys attractive cuz he can't do that himself to other girls….. He sees me as this very "gorgeous beautiful girl" but then again he doesn't want to admit that there will always be someone else better than me!!! I'm just saying that if he can find me attractive, he can find other people att. Too!!! I wish I could believe him but I just don't cuz I think that's impossible!!!…. I mean I don't want him to fall out of love with me cuz of me nagging him!!! Idk what to do….
It’s got a lot to do with the bombardment of media for us women, I think. Even as a little girl, I was shown pictures in fairy tales of women with delicate features, slender bodies, full, high breasts and long, flowing hair that married handsome princes. Hollywood glamorizes this same look – much of it achieved through plastic surgery,professional makeup artists,stylists, and personal trainers-, and the message from when we are young is loud and clear.. You don’t look good the way you are.You should look like her.
I’d be a lier if I told you I haven’t been affected, and have never bad mouthed a woman i perceived as prettier to make myself feel better. On the flip side, as an attractive woman, I too have been mistreated, and am wary of women in general for that reason. It’s a shame, but it seems to be part of our programming.
These days I just try to look good for me. I eat right, exercise,take care of my health, hygiene, and skin. I dress in ways that make me feel beautiful.I have a career I love, and a man who loves me for me. I think that once the pieces fall into place in your life, you feel better about yourself, and there is no more need to put others down!
Wow. I have been reading these comments by you ladies. I can’t believe how many women are jelaous and insecure. I thought I was the only one. I have been through some very hard times in my life lately, so being pretty means nothing to me. People have told me how pretty I am, but I don’t feel it. I think I am ugly. I think I am unusual, I get so insecure. I look in a mirror and sometimes I see what they see, but only for a moment. I get so down when I see other pretty girls. I automatically think they are going to steal my man. I think they plan on flirting with him. I did cross paths with women like that in my past, so I don’t trust no woman, even if she is not all that. Some I do trust,but after I’ve known them for a while. My man tells me how lucky he is to be with me, and I don’t get it. I think I’m a failure and will never meassure up. Sometimes I feel confident in myself and pretty until some other some what attractive (at least)woman turns up and I feel like an ugly duckling compared to her. I don’t know whats wrong with me,people say I am beautiful,smart and funny and so lucky to have it all,but I feel like I got nothing.Why?? Why can’t I see what they see?
I have ben going to the gym and lost the extra weight,toned up and looking better than ever, but I still feel the same. I now see other things,like wrinkles which make me feel ugly. I seem to be over crytical of myself. I only see my flaws and imperfections,not anything else and its magnified. My friends can’t believe I complain about wrinkles, they reckon I got none and look extremely young. I’m so messed up.
Thank you so much for this article. This is absolutely amazing to read and I cannot express how grateful I am. For so long I've hurt myself with my own jealousy and am so focused on appearances that I become kind of nuts. But this article, gosh, this article just makes it slightly easier to look at jealousy in a different way, and it's such a beautiful way to look at it.
I've already stopped putting on makeup in an effort to quit feeling like I put on a mask every single day (and always checking in the bathroom if my hair/face/makeup is perfect). It's still all a bit scary at the moment, but I can't bloody wait to be free of this bondage of insecurity.
Bless you for this article xx
It was a very inspiring article to read, so much so, that I feel the need to leave a reply, which I normally never do. For many years I have been battling with my demons, mostly that being my jealousy. However, my jealousy only really emerges or is at its peek, when I am involved with a man. It has now got so bad that I am jealous of my sister-in-law! I feel so ridiculous for it!!! She is an exceptionally beautiful looking woman, even though she is married to my brother, I still feel insecure when I bring a boyfriend home, and she is there. Although she would never do anything or act inappropiately in front of any of my boyfriends I bring back, I can still feel so much less attractive around her when I am with a man. I hate this feeling,and it really does inhibit a more fulfilling relationship with my sister-in-law. It’s sad becase there is always an awkwardness betwen us, because of my lack of self-confidence and lacking of being able to see and love my own beauty than I may possess. I just truly want to overcome these feelings and insercurities. I just wish I knew a way out! 🙁
Hi Mary,
Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing here. Jealousy in relationships can be so uncomfortable – a deep ouch.
Then we don’t like ourselves for being jealous – and we’ve got two feelings to deal with – our jealousy and our aversion/dislike of ourselves for being jealous in the first place.
So the first step is allowing the jealousy to be there without judging it. I like to say, “There, there jealousy. Or I see you jealousy.”
This gives us a little space to step back from the jealousy. We don’t feel so much that we “are” the jealousy, and with this space we can befriend it, and see what it’s feeling, believing, needing.
You may ask your jealousy, “What are you needing?”
When I ask myself this question, often I find I need gentleness, forgiveness, understanding – some quality of love.
Another powerful question is to ask your jealousy, “What are you believing to be true?” Then I find that my jealousy will say things like “I’m not enough” or “I have to be perfect or the best to be loveable.”
It often taps into this deep fear that I’m alone and unsupported – that others receive love or belonging and I don’t – as if I’m outside the circle of love.
Physically, this feeling is a hollow in the belly and a flutter of anxiety in my whole gut. It’s waves of clenching and spasming.
Then my jealousy may turn into a prayer – “Please love me.” A calling on love.
You could try this – what does jealousy say to you when you come close?
Thank you for this post- unlike other websites, you actually come at this issue from a hopeful standpoint- I love the part about being our authentic self and when were jealous- have that aid us closer to authenticity. Jealousy is very difficult because it causes a paranoia for me and a rift in marriage and friendships. Your so right about not only being jealous but than not liking ourselves for being jealous- it makes one feel more less than. I really want to stop this mentality not only for me- but so my husband doesn't feel uncomfortable with my insecurity. I want to be at peace and create an environment of peace for my family.
It always amazes me how petty women can be over genetics. Women can NOT control how they look any more than a tall good looking man can control his looks.
Amazing advice. I have always felt jealous of other people who are good looking. Men and women. Don't know the reason behind it, but it just happened. I try to find ways to avoid such people.
That’s all very well if you’re married. But what if you’re an old maid, like my friends and I? And you’re surrounded by perfect women attached to all the men in the country, and there’s a man drought?
I am reading your words. They are not getting through to me. The rationalist in me wants to hear from people who were cripplingly jealous but who got over it. For me, the thought of accepting my jealousy to overcome it is impossible. The pain I am feeling is full on scale 10. Would scale 9 or 7 be much better? I want to get rid of it completely. Now.
I am jealous. It hurts constantly. I am jealous of all other attractive women. I avoid life because of it. It impairs my child's and my husband's life. Even my dog's.
I am in therapy. It is not helping, or very slowly.
Life is short. Please help me.
I think I know what you mean. Have suffered this feeling for over 40 years now, and I wish I could get over it. It does hurt, and it’s easy to believe I haven’t gotten what I want in life because I’m not pretty enough.
CJ,
For women, so much of our value has been placed upon our beauty and appearance – it is a deep wound for so many. Even women who we’d think of as “beautiful” – and who we may think don’t suffer from this same insecurity and lack of belonging – suffer the same pain.
Every one wants to feel seen, heard, to be noticed, to be loved. It is an intrinsic human need. When we don’t feel this belonging, it’s easy to make the body the target, the primary way this longing shows up. I think the desire to feel beautiful goes way beyond our physical appearance, even though that is certainly a part of it. We long for our soul, our being, to feel beautiful, and for this beauty to be witnessed by another.
I know I’m (very) late to this thread. But thank you, Karly, for this article.
And thank you so much for this comment. It’s…exactly what I needed to hear/read.
Let me say that, generally speaking, I don’t have tons of hangups about my appearance. I’m certainly no beauty queen, but I’m in really good shape. I don’t have the world’s most stylish wardrobe, but I’m pretty resourceful and good at putting together unique outfits. And honestly, if I am a bit envious of pretty women, it’s pretty far from the fore of my thinking. A lot of my friends *are* very pretty, and they are all beautiful on the inside, and I couldn’t be happier for them.
But unfortunately, there are some days when my hangups take over my life. In therapy, I’ve started to unravel the reason why I feel so gross sometimes.
I looked at the situational triggers: my sudden, overwhelming sense of my own physical repulsiveness is invariably brought about by circumstances that make me feel socially insecure. I come from a family of people who are negative, unfriendly, and extremely uncomfortable with emotion. We moved a lot, too. And when even we weren’t moving, my mother was having us switch schools.
Somehow, I developed the idea that my appearance was to blame for my empty social calendar and my home life. There was absolutely no basis for thinking that, but since I could find no other reason for the difficulties I was facing – well, they had to be about my appearance.
As an adult, I haven’t been able to completely disabuse myself of this idea. I’ve recently been involved in a very stressful situation that has triggered my childhood angst. And wouldn’t you know it, all of a sudden I’m disgusted by my appearance again.
But your comment is giving me additional evidence that I’m not crazy. Somehow this awful, debilitating idea has been planted in my head. And even though it’s not entirely my fault, I am empowered to resist it.
Thanks again!
Veronica
Hi Veronica,
It sounds like you have a lot of insight in understanding the connection between feelings of rejection or separation and how these feelings can be projected onto your body.
When I feel critical towards my body, I always know it’s pointing to something else – that something else is going on. Often, it’s when I’m exhausted and feeling frumpy and unkempt and uncared for. Those feelings get passed down to my body, when really it’s my self that feels this.
I’ve often found that – especially for women – the body becomes the target, the scapegoat, what we think is the real problem when we feel rejected, abandoned, unloved, uninvited, like we don’t belong. Then, it logically follows that if the body is the cause of our separation, that we need to either fix, control, or change it so that we no longer feel this pain.
And of course, the body becomes the target for all our frustration and anger and sorrow about all the ways we don’t feel connected or belong – or about all the ways our body isn’t cooperating with our demands to be different! And so all the feelings of self attack – hatred, disgust, shame, blame, anger – arise towards our own bodies, and our own hearts.
Okay, so I am a self-proclaimed “ugly” girl. I am over-weight and this is my fault. I know that. Let me say what is on my mind, and I’d love to hear any feedback that you all might have.
Sometimes I just wish you slender, already pretty girls would just tone it down a bit. Like, could you not make sure everything about you is perfect when you go to the soccer game? I mean, can you just wear some shorts and a ponytail and go cheer on the team?
As an ugly girl, I expect to be the ugliest anywhere I go. Especially dressy places like a nice restaurant, or church, or someplace where you are expected to look really nice. But I am absolutely shocked at how much effort goes in to the way you look at the grocery store, or the basketball game.
I know it makes YOU feel better, and that you do it FOR YOU. But maybe – just maybe – could you just tone it down a little? Do you ever consider just being average looking sometimes so that those of us who do not have the time, money, or talent to put makeup, jewelry, the perfect outfit, the perfect shoes on…..can just feel a little better about ourselves?
I know it’s MY problem – but man, oh man do I wish you already beautiful women would just help me catch up a little.
Dear Kelly,
I want to thank you for your honesty and courage in sharing your experience with me, and with everyone here. Your comment is one of the most vulnerable, true, real and poignant that I’ve read in 9 years of writing and teaching. Your comment here especially made me pause:
As an ugly girl, I expect to be the ugliest anywhere I go.
I paused and thought about that – what would it feel like to feel like the ugliest person in a room? To long to be as pretty as others? I take it for granted that I can clean myself up and feel pretty; what if I never felt that way? What if I always felt uglier than others? What would that feel like?
I think about situations that intimidate me – where I feel physically less than others – and how that effects my sense of self. It’s so vulnerable, and often feels like junior high all over again. I feel small, sometimes invisible, less confident. Ouch, it hurts.
And yes, I’ve been that girl that always wants to feel pretty. I hadn’t thought about how this might make others feel.
Thank you for giving me much food for thought, and for allowing me the opportunity to sense what life is like in your shoes.
As I read your words, what comes to me is this: what if we, as women, shared more about the pain of feeling ugly, physically less than others, as well as the pain that arises from needing to feel like the prettiest? What if this is where we can find connection – knowing we all share this tender humanity? What would it be like if we could share those moments with each other?
The question for myself is this: what would it be like to not always feel like I have to present my most beautiful self to the world?
Thank you for this food for thought, Kelly.
Lastly, I don’t think being overweight is your fault. There are so many factors that lead to weight gain, and often, pain that simply became too much to bear. I trust you’ve done the best you could with what you’ve had – in fact, you sound like an amazing, strong woman. Who is to say if me or anyone else had been in your shoes – and had your life experiences – that we would be any different?
In love and care, Karly
Dear Karly,
I, too, am a woman who, since about the age of 7, have felt debilitating anxiety about my looks. It was made crystal clear to me by family, friends, and the world in general how important it is to be beautiful. This has affected countless relationships, and now that I am married, I even feel jealous of my ten year old beautiful stepdaughter. Everyone comments on it, she knows it, and it annoys me to no end. My husband is very understanding and does everything he can to make me feel comfortable…but I feel it’s useless. It’s like Snow White, and I am the evil stepmother, and I hate her, because she makes me feel old and ugly and like my time has passed, and I am not ready to be that at 37. Anyway, I hope to find a way to manage this, as I love my husband very much. But I have considered leaving him, both to not feel so bad and so that I don’t make him miserable.
I feel a bit better reading the comments here- I see that I am not alone. Sad only that there is no clear solution. This society values beauty above all else, and it has pitted us women against each other. I don’t see that changing anytime soon.
However, I did want to say that I think you are a special human being, because you have shown remarkable empathy and understanding towards the women who have commented here, especially towards Kelley. You show that you are even willing to look inside yourself for ways in which you may be contributing to this beauty obsessed world- not that I necessarily think you are.
I wish you all the best- thank you for being kind.
Dear Alex,
Thank you for writing. That feeling of jealousy – especially towards a beloved family member – can be so painful. Ouch! I can imagine how much that hurts.
I think of jealousy as a misunderstood emotion. For underneath jealousy, there is often something very tender – some wounding where we have felt outside the circle of love, or some wounding where we have not felt seen or loved.
It’s simply a sign of too much frustration, and too much separation.
Pursuing praise and attention for our external beauty, fixating on our appearance, or wanting to be the center of attention simply points to this relational wound. It’s a reflection – not a judgment – of our deep longing for our beauty to be seen, and honored.
In an image focused culture like our own, this need to be seen is often compressed and translated into physical beauty. Hence the massive amounts of money, energy and attention spent on pursuing physical youth and beauty. But I think the longing itself is deeper – to have the beauty of our being reflected back to us in another’s eyes. We just tend to ‘speak’ this longing in the physical realm.
This feeling of ‘underlovedness’ and this need to be seen is often not about the present, but tied to experiences in the past as young children. This wound can create a hole of emptiness, and a feeling of envy when others have the spotlight. So no matter how much reassurance others offer about our own belovedness, or beauty, this hole can feel like a bottomless pit of need that is never satiated.
And yes, our collective wound about being seen can lead to feelings of scarcity and competition with others….a painful environment for all.
So while jealousy can be so painful and uncomfortable – how it makes me squirm in my own life when it appears – jealousy is also a tender doorway that says, “Come closer.” There is something that longs to be welcomed and cared for.
Coming closer to our jealousy brings us closer to the wound underneath, and all our longings for love. In my experience, the hole – the wound – is something that longs to be felt, honored, and grieved. Grieving the holes in our being is one way we touch the wound with love. And with this gentle touch, the scar tissue can begin to soften.
When I touch my own envy and jealousy, one of the things I find is a commonality, a way of relating to everyone. We all feel these holes and this pain at times. How human. So rather than something that makes me separate from others, jealousy is something that unites me with all.
Dear Karly,
I suffer from c-ptsd from childhood trauma, both parents abused me when young, then while growing up 3 of my 4 sisters took my boyfriends, even up to my late 20’s… this led to me seeing most beautiful woman wanting to steal my thunder… of jealous feelings creeping into and ruining any type of relationship I was in.
Then there are the emotional responses. My heart starts to pound, I feel faint, even sick to my stomach. I feel threatened and this is partly from the ptsd (the pattern that my mind sees as a threat) .
But that’s the illusion… It’s not women stealing my thunder or my boyfriends, it’s the jealous envy. The vibes you send to a partner are horrible and they just can’t deal with it… they leave, usually to someone else which leads to more self-loathing.
The only thing that saved me was Gnosis intervention, it’s a practice of “knowing thyself” , to observe your own behavior and identify which ego (which are one of the 7) is feeding on it. And my behavior was what made my boyfriends leave, not other women.
I’ve come a long way, now self-observing in my religious studies, and your article is one of the best articles I’ve ever read on this subject which is basically saying the same thing.
I thank you so much for sharing it with me and the rest of the world !
🙂 Lisa
Some of the things I’m reading here make me really sad. Women will have supportive partners who tell them all the time they are beautiful and yet they will be feeling ugly. We need to ask ourselves why that is. My opinion is the media has gotten way out of control and society’s obsession with youth and beauty as well. In a world where no-one knows you by name, the only thing that counts is what you look like on the outside because that’s all most people who see you will ever get to know. Think of the people you see walking down the sidewalks of a big city: will you ever sit down and have scones and relate your life story and personal struggles and achievements with any of them? No. The days of village living where everyone knew you, your family and what ‘your special thing’ was, are over. And in such a cold world, men find it easy to take advantage of women. They’ll snag a pretty girl and to make themselves feel more alpha, they’ll act like they’re interested in any other girl but them. It always astonishes me how a man will have an affair or flirt with a woman who is much less attractive than his wife or girlfriend. What women need to do in those situations is turn tail and leave that a-hole to his fornicating ways. The bible tells us that even to look at a woman lustfully is adulterous. So all you women who are crying yourselves to sleep at night, don’t settle for a relationship with such a scoundrel; you deserve better. Your mind may have been f***ed up by his manipulation, but your heart knows it’s true. When you’re really loved, you feel it and your heart is at peace. There ARE men out there who don’t even THINK to look at another woman and for whom even the thought of being with someone else makes them sick. The brave woman is the one who goes looking for such a man and doesn’t quit until she finds him. I hope what I’ve said here has sunk in. Good luck and respect yourselves. <3
I totally agree with T. It’s hard to find good girlfriends to have a relationship with because we are all so competitive with each other. I too don’t go out as much anymore because of jealousy and insecurity. People tell me I’m pretty, but I don’t believe it. I have always suffered from insecurities about my looks. I was the ugly duckling, strange looking girl who cleaned up good. As I’m now in my mid thirties, my looks are starting to fade and I envy the looks of girls in their 20s. I can’t even be in a relationship with a man because of constantly getting cheated on and I attribute this to not being good enough, pretty enough, and young enough. I just want to be loved like all of you, pretty, ugly, and all in between women desire as well. What really bothers me is the reaction I get from old and young women. Occasionally, when I walk past, it’s as if they are trying to stifle giggles and turn their head. I could be wearing heeled ankle boots, jeans, a tshirt, hair sliced in a ponytail and they will try to hide their snickers. It’s really uncalled for. Smh.
I just wanted to take the time to say Thank you for this post. As much as I’d like to say jealousy does not affect me but it does. And in fact I think it has gotten worst over time. I wish I had noticed it earlier so I can try to change the way I think. Jealousy is all about the way you think. It is so easy to feel insecure and yet it isn’t easy to deal with. Today I am starting my own journey of self love and hopefully I will overcome jealousy and turn it into something healthy.
How about being nice, and kind to Beautiful Women, too? What is it that makes other women want to tear a beautiful woman apart? I worked with three of the meanest, most jealous, hideous people (on the inside), that I will ever have the misfortune to meet. They did everything they could to tear me down. It didn’t work because I’m a strong person, but it was very tough. I’m glad I don’t see these women anymore, I have never meant their ilk in all my life. They were all very attractive in their own way, and were all happily married, while I was single, and STILL… unbelievable.
Hi Sally,
This is an important point. When we’re feeling jealous, we feel deficient, and often shame. We can dump this shame on another rather than turning inside to care for it ourselves.
When I’m feeling jealous, it’s never about the other person. Jealousy is a sign that I’m feeling separate and deficient in some way, and is a call to reconnect to the soil of my belonging and the ground of my being. To blame the target of my jealousy for my feelings is like getting angry at the ground because it gets wet when it rains. When I’m feeling connected, I can allow others to be all they are, in all their glory. You may like this quote by Stephen Covey, who says it beautifully: “Only after we can learn to forgive ourselves can we accept others as they are because we don’t feel threatened by anything about them which is better than us.”
Love, Karly
Thanks for this post. I am nowhere near where I need to be in terms of self – esteem. I used to not feel jealous (not often) or compare myself to other women, but then my husband cheated on me multiple timea, I found out a girl on his softball team had been flirting with him, he told me she’s the one he most wishes he’d had sex with, (they never did), lap dance with stripper, too many other things to count. When I tell him I don’t feel good about how I look( an understatement), he says he’s happy about how I look. Once he said you know what’s sexy? Confidence. I don’t know how to ever feel better.
Hi Alana,
Oh, ouch, that really must have hurt.
When we experience betrayal, it can send our whole world spinning, and make us grasp for more – to measure up to a newer and higher standard so we never experience that betrayal again. In essence, we blame ourselves for other people’s behavior or reactions to us. It can make us compulsive and insecure – where we try and turn ourselves – and our bodies – into someone who finally receives their approval. Unfortunately, this never works – primarily because our esteem then rests in their opinion of us.
That’s been my experience of betrayal in relationships.
My guess is that there is much, much hurt and grief under your husband’s betrayal. I hope there is a safe space for you to be held in love and care…
I know it is probably too late to get an answer, but I am desesperated.
I truly feel blessed, Ive got a loving family, health, Im studying in uni what I love, my boyfriend is amazing, but I just still have a problem with jealousy.
During highschool it was not something abnormal, the common competition amongst girls. However, now there is one girl that is making me go nuts. To be honest, she drop dead gorgeous, she will be stopped walking on the streets, asked to model, she has won beauty peagants, everybody that knows her is in love with her. My problem… she is my boyfriends sister. As much as I try not to compete, I lose, and not do only I lose because Im jealous but because indeed she is prettier.
Before her I was used to be the attention graber, I was the pretty one, but now I feel like I do not exist… All of my merits dissappear when she is around.
The other day at a dinner at my bf house they were asking me about my degree in economics… as soon as she arrived I was invisible, it is like everyoneidolizes her. And I feel so badfor competeing, I feel so so dumb and ridiculous, nut it is getting out of my hands.
I am a young, 25 y/o beautiful woman but I hate being around other beautiful women. I have 3 close female friends, they don’t know each other though. One of them is average looking, and the other two is pretty but overweight. When I am with them, we act so naturally, they are not intimidated by me and I love them so much. I never act haughty or anything. I am being completely honest, I could never be friends with a similarly beautiful or let alone more beautiful woman. I couldn’t stop comparing myself to her. This is a natural human instinct, it is nothing to be ashamed of.
I’m a guy and I am not sure if it is the pretty girl I am jealous of or if I am jealous of the status of the individual along with the possible boy friend they possibly have. I say possibly because in all honesty sometimes there is no way of knowing (it is important to mind ones own business). Anyway, my success with women is low. I was raised to be respectful of other individuals and while I do not always get it right I strive to treat others with dignity and decency. However, at times I do see other couples and get jealous of what they have. Truth be told I’m in my very early thirties and have never even kissed a girl or gone out on a date. I have always focused on school and have tried to make it in the work force. Could it be a lack of confidence? I appreciate a woman’s perspective and/or opinion. Thank you for your time. Sometimes one just has to get some things off their chest.
-Fin
I wish the author would have used the word ENVY throughout. Envy cannot be confused with jealousy, they are quite different.
Thank you for this wonderful, powerful article. You are beautiful and strong and have really inspired me with your words. I will use this advice to go forward into 2017 with a different attitude. Instead of wallowing in self pity stalking the Facebook profiles of perfect strangers, I will use that time to make me the most beautiful happy woman I can be! Thank you a million girl x
Amazing timeless article! There’s this REALLY pretty girl at this new job I work with and it seems as if she has everything going for herself: gorgeous smile, pretty hair, nice personality, cool style..etc and I was starting to hate her for it.. I judged her and thought she was stuck up until I talked to her a little and realized she’s really cool. That humbled me a bit to realize that but I still felt jealous.. then I thought about the reasons why I am jealous of her then I decided to improve those things in me that were obviously lacking. I did not change everything I lacked because I simply don’t need to but only the things I wanted to and would make me comfortable and still stay true to myself. I’m now going to meditate on why I’m a cool person and try to celebrate myself and my uniqueness. I also hope by being more of myself that I will be jealous less. I hope as time goes by and prayers are prayed that at the end of this all I can finally not be jealous of her anymore in any way, shape, or form and never try to suppress her greatness.