When we haven’t been ‘met’ – heard, held, seen, witnessed, or supported – in our fear, distress or pain, our nervous systems can be more reactive. We can feel shame when our nervous systems seem to have a mind of their own and react with hair trigger intensity.

Or we can shut down and try to be self reliant, to tough it out on our own.

We’re each a sum of the inner and outer holding that has met and kept us throughout our lives. Some of this we can influence, but much – like the holding we received when we were young – has been out of our control.

‘Seeking the most nourishing relationships that you can imagine’

Fortunately, no matter how much, or how little, holding you’ve received in your life, your body, heart, mind and nervous system are ‘always seeking the most nourishing relationships that they can imagine,’ as polyvagal theory founder Stephen Porges describes.

Each supportive connection rewires these pathways, strengthens your resilience and brings soothing and support to your nervous system.

We’re always seeking connection, for this is how we’ve been beautifully created to be.

This seeking may arise for you as looking for the beauty in the world, in others and even in your own precious self. Or it might be the ways you connect with the earth body, with the natural world. It might be seeking connection with loved ones.

You may seek connection by inner listening – by listening to your soul’s story through ‘the ears of your heart.’ This is one of my favorite ways to connect – whether I’m listening to another’s story or my own – and is the basis of our next group class, The Book of Love.

‘Listening with the ears of the heart’

When we listen to ourselves with the ears of the heart, we’re often awed by what we hear, taste and see. Our frustration, shame and defenses soften as we filter our life experiences with soft eyes, sifting through the challenges, heartaches, beauty, and blossoms of our lives with compassionate hands.

Through this portal of vulnerability, compassion, and connection, we come to know our very preciousness.

All healing is a change of heart, a change of how we see. Being lovingly seen or witnessed by another can change how we see ourselves. Our own hearts can change how we see ourselves. Stories, myths, songs, symbols, and art can change how we see ourselves.

I long for you and for everyone to have a circle of witnesses – a place where your walls can soften and you can be beheld in your noble beauty.

Our noble beauty is not our egoic perfectionism or the ways we think we’ve done it ‘right.’ Rather, our noble beauty often arises out of the ashes of our lives – the places where we were understandably hurt or felt like we fell short.

The light shines through the darkness, through our wounds. The light shines out through us and into the world.

To the sweet, sweet song ringing through your imperfect offering, as Leonard Cohen wrote so beautifully. Let your bells ring!