Last week, in a Q&A webinar for The Growing Humankindness community, we were talking about trust. What does it mean to trust ourselves – especially when we find ourselves stuck in the same frustrating patterns?
For so long, I thought trusting myself meant ‘trusting that I would always get it right’ or what I wanted. Trusting myself was tied to achievement and a successful outcome.
This kind of trust is fragile: it’s not something you can stand on or really lean into. There’s a way we know we’re not honoring what’s real.
You can try this for yourself. What do you feel in your body when you say these things to yourself?
I trust that I will always get it right.
I trust that I will eat healthfully at each meal.
I trust that my relationships will be peaceful and free from any tension.
When I take in these statements, I feel anxious and tight, like I have to measure up to a standard or make something happen. Interesting!
Trust is already here
Over the years, my definition and experience of trust has changed. As I see it, trust is not something I attain or achieve – trust is already here. Trust is the ground of my being, what holds the all.
Included within this trust are the ups and downs, the wrong turns and ruptures, the ‘failures’ as well as the successes. And included within this trust are the times when I don’t trust, or when the trust seems absent.
When I remember this form of trust, my whole belly softens. It feels more reliable and more true – for trust as ‘always success’ doesn’t exist: even nature has seasons of decay and stillness to nurture the coming harvest.
A ‘ground of being’ trust is what the Buddhists call ‘the Lion’s roar:’ a heart that’s ready for anything.
Or as my beloved mentor, Dr. Neufeld, says about the essence of true self esteem: “Come what may, I can handle it.”
Seeing ‘through a glass darkly’
We often use measuring sticks to measure our success – to determine if we’re healing or whole, making progress in our recovery or are becoming healthier.
To yearn for health is a precious thing: we long to suffer less, to soften the painful ways we see ourselves or care for ourselves.
But when we measure ourselves in a narrow way, we pull ourselves outside of trust. We see ourselves ‘through a glass, darkly.’
Can we trust this, too? That our healing is already unfolding? That we are already held within it?
Resting in the ground of trust
As you look upon those places in your life where you long to heal – where you long for healthier relationships, less stress and tension, and to eat in ways that aren’t excessive or punitive – may this grounded trust hold you:
We can trust that things will fall apart – and we can trust that they can come back together again.
We can trust ourselves to make mistakes – and we can trust ourselves to learn and repair.
We can trust that computers and washing machines and cars will break – and we can trust that they can be fixed.
We can trust that people will do things we don’t like.
We can trust ourselves to get tired and lose our way.
We can trust ourselves to lose our trust.
We can trust ourselves to pick ourselves up again.
We can trust ourselves to find the thread we lost.
We can trust ourselves to practice trusting ourselves and trusting life, over and over.
We can rest in trust.