One of my all time favorite movies is The Color Purple. There’s a well known line from the film that says: “Everything just wants to be loved.”
Last week, in my free webinar on healing the battle with the inner rebel, I thought about this line when we spoke about how we can embrace and love our inner rebel.
It was really moving to spend time together in a collective space of softening, in a field of love. I think we all came away feeling more understood and less afraid – ah, yes, we all have these inner rebel parts! It’s really okay!
The protective function
One of the things that softens fear is understanding.
When we come closer to the inner rebel, and ‘listen with the ears of the heart,’ we open to this understanding. We often find that the inner rebel is not what we think it is at first glance.
The inner rebel is not intentionally trying to make your life difficult. It’s often a protector part – meaning, it’s a cover that protects and cares for the vulnerability that lives underneath.
Sometimes the inner rebel is protecting our hunger for emotional nourishment – and the ways we use food to meet this need. This need can come up strongly on holidays like Valentine’s Day.
When food is a primary source of nurturing, it makes sense that we may feel protective of it – especially if we feel like it’s going away!
The inner rebel flares up when this protection feels threatened – when you try to set limits or stop using food for emotional nourishment.
It’s trying to protect the tender vulnerability that lives underneath.
Our hearts are so tender – and also so strong. Like every other part of us, they thrive with nourishment, attention and care.
Embracing your inner rebel – forgiving this part of you for its resistance, defiance, opposition, and strong “Nos!” – is one way to heal this pattern – to care for your heart, and to meet your true longing for nourishment.
The second step is an action step – moving forward and taking action in a way that truly meets your longing for presence, love and care. For myself, this morning I sought out connection by doing my Remembrance practice, reaching out to a loved one, and connecting with two dear friends by email.
Ah – some of the loneliness I had woken up with this morning felt more sated and filled.
Every time we touch our vulnerability – including the vulnerability of the inner rebel – and offer it room, presence, care, warmth and witnessing, our true hungers become more filled, and our protector parts – like the inner rebel – can soften their strong stance.
And every time we take action to care for our needs, we fill up with the nourishment that we’re truly longing for.
I sometimes think if the inner rebel had a voice, it would say things like, “I really need you to hear me, and to hear how much this means to me!”
And, “I feel really scared! Don’t hurt me!”
And, “Please – let me know it’s safe. Let me know I can show my needs and feelings.”
And, “No, stop that!”
All of these are important and powerful and needed messages.
Here in this month of February and Valentine’s day, I wish your inner rebel warmth and space, lots and lots of room, and lots of care for the vulnerability that lives underneath.
As Nayyirah Waheed said so eloquently, “your heart is the softest place on earth. take care of it.”